Sort of Hurts
by because of the name
Summary: "People don't like me in general if you haven't noticed." Killian/Emma. AU!teenagers


**a/n: AU and both characters are teenagers. Yes, Mary Margaret is Emma's mother. Yes, it's some weird combination of angst and humor, I don't know. And I used '...' to differentiate flashbacks [yes, I'm unoriginal like that]**

**Also, mommy issues. **

**It's almost 2 am. I'm sorry about any mistakes and if the characters are too OOC for your taste (I guess that's what AU is for).**

**Disclaimer: OuaT is not mine. Sadly.**

He rubs his chin furiously, looking for the kindest way to say it. Then he finally pitches on: "This has to be the stupidest thing ever."

She turns around to look him dead in the eye. "You are stupid. You don't realize the privilege you're receiving."

He just quirks an eyebrow at this. "Privilege? Seriously? You're hanging too much with that Regina girl, she's rubbing off on you."

Emma at least has the decency to look ashamed cause really, she _should _be. Regina Mills is just… weird. But then she pulls herself together and raises her chin defiantly. "Whatever. This is the first and last time I'm saying this so-"

"Dude, _no_." He shakes his head violently and oh God, she really looks pissed.

"Did you just call me 'dude'?" There's practically a storm raging in her eyes and even though he isn't one to get scared easily… he might have or might have not taken a step back.

"No, Emma, I-"

"Look, you know I'm not into romantic and sappy shit, okay?" The blonde sighs and there's this sweet sad look on her face and he just has this stupid innate urge to wrap his arms around her and call her with the corniest pet names in the world… but he doesn't. He has some dignity. "But when I see how other boys treat their girlfriends like princesses, calling them 'babe' or 'angel face' or… whatever… I just want you to be a little more affectionate with me sometimes."

Well, good. He feels like a complete jerk now. And hell, he has no idea what to do. He might as well react on instinct.

He hugs her as gracefully as he can, poking her slightly in the ribs in the process.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, Ems… _angel face_?" He blinks confusedly at her and she wrinkles her nose.

"That was just an example, Killian. Please don't ever call me that."

The boy nods relieved and presses his lips to her forehead and… yeah, it feels good.

"You just know I don't, like, have the biggest experience in relationships or anything." He looks somehow embarrassed while admitting it and she smiles at him encouragingly. "And moms… they've always scared the crap outta me. Do I really have to meet her? She's gonna hate me, Emma, you know she is."

Emma rolls her eyes but there is obvious puzzlement written on her face. "No, she's not. Why would you think that?"

"Well," He shrugs awkwardly, "moms don't like me. People don't like me in general if you haven't noticed."

Their eyes meet and her heart clenches a little bit because this is so not her sassy and cheeky boyfriend who doesn't let shit faze him. Under the tough surface he's really vulnerable.

Of course moms would scare him. Don't usually things you've never had scare you?

She sighs and tries to smile but the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. "It's okay. It can wait if you don't want to."

He nods gratefully. Then she kisses him and the sadness on her tongue doesn't make him as grateful.

* * *

His best friend Mulan frowns displeased when Killian tells her what's happened.

"Man, seriously, you've been dating her for almost half a year. A dinner with her mother won't kill you or anything."

"I know." He mutters under his breath. "I just… don't know how to act, 'Lan. When I was younger, most of the other kids' mothers didn't like me. They always told them 'not to play with the boy without parents'. It kinda sucked balls."

"And made you kinda hate mothers?" The Asian girls raises her eyebrows.

Killian is about to let a quiet 'hmm' then gets a hold of himself and it sounds more like a growl. "Don't go all shrink on me, dude. I don't need your psychoanalysis."

Mulan lifts her hands up conciliatorily. "Just… you have feelings for this girl, don't you?" She asks after a long pause.

"Course I do!" He answers fervently. "I stopped playing _LoL _the other day to talk to her on the phone." His friend's eyes pop out. "Yeah, that much."

"Woah." She hums thoughtfully. "It_ is_ serious."

"Told ya." He responds, both exasperated and kind of proud of himself.

Mulan then looks him right in the eye with such a serious expression that he gets scared for a second.

"You're deep in it." She proclaims finally. "You have to go."

* * *

He's actually so nervous that he starts sweating like a pig half an hour before he has to leave. It doesn't matter because he's in a shitty old T-shirt with an ugly mouse on it but then, five minutes before leaving, in his newest and coolest Abercrombie shirt, he starts sweating again. The clothing gets damp almost instantly and then he has to strip off, get in the shower and wash himself with the coldest water possible.

Then numb from coldness to the bone, with wet and sticking up hair and the most presentable bouquet of flowers he could buy (he's a hideous sight with them), he knocks on Emma's door – 20 minutes later after her official invitation which he had already officially declined.

A relatively short, pixie-haired brunette opens the door with the kindest of smiles.

His palms get sweaty.

His throat gets dry.

_Oh, good. It's the most cheerful mother I've ever seen and I'm just standing here, wet as a drowned rat and the most ridiculous appearance ever._

The woman probably realizes he's not going to speak up soon so she offers gently.

"Good evening. Can I help you?"

Killian opens his mouth and…

...

"_Hi, I'm Killian, wanna play?" He grins toothlessly. "My dad bought me a new ball."_

_The other boy looks at him under his ginger forelock. Then he returns the smile. "Sure."_

_Killian kicks the ball, accurately but not too strongly. It's a good kick but the other boy manages to catch it. It's going to be an interesting game._

_Except that it's not because a tall redheaded woman suddenly appears out of nowhere and shoots him the dirtiest look ever. She then grabs his new friend's hand and violently pulls him to herself._

"_Michael, how many times have I told you not to go around these kids?"_

_The ginger boy tries to object but she scolds him and takes him away, leaving Killian alone, with watery eyes and a colorful ball in his hands._

_..._

…nothing comes out except an 'Aaah…'

The woman tilts her head confusedly but the friendly smile is still on her face. Then he hears a familiar voice from inside the house.

"Who's at the door, mom?"

And before he can process what's going on, the flowers fall from his grip and he's running as fast as his feet can bear.

...

"_It's said in the Bible 'They are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.'"_

_Pastor Russell is speaking in his monotonously flat voice, his steps evenly reverberating through the silence of the church, and Killian is really trying to stay concentrated but he's kind of bored and starting to get sleepy and-_

"_So yes, divorce is unnatural and seen as disrespect towards the Lord." The priest's tone suddenly gets harsher and pulls the boy out from his semi-awaken state. "A child is created by two, a man and a woman, and they shall be the sample of the healthy family the child has to establish someday as well."_

_Killian then notices the eyes of almost everybody else sitting on the benches are set on him. Also his father's legs are nervously twitching next to him and their feet bump from time to time. Like his whole body language is screaming 'Let's get out of here!' but Killian doesn't understand what's going on so he remains in his seat._

"_What example is a lonely parent for a child?" Pastor Russell makes a step forward while talking and his eyes directly meet Killian's dad's, unhidden disapproval in them. "Not a good one, I think."_

_Jones Sr suddenly stands up, capturing his son's tiny hand with his own, and practically flees out of the church, and Killian still doesn't understand what's going on because isn't it kind of rude to just leave like that, without making the cross sign or anything, and isn't Mr Christ going to get offended-_

_..._

"Boys don't cry," He reminds himself as the tears stream down his face. "Crying is for pussies and you're a stud, yeah, you're a real man, Killian… it… it shouldn't hurt like that… not anymore…"

He's never felt a physical need of a mother figure. His dad's pretty awesome at doing the job of his own. He kinda works his ass off and everything and sometimes dispenses with some stuff but Killian has always had whatever he's wanted. Yeah, maybe Mr Jones doesn't always have time to talk to his son but Killian's not a baby or a girl – he sure as hell doesn't need someone's shoulder to sob on.

Men survive on their own.

But then, sometimes (very, very rarely, really) when he gets an F, or fights with Emma or the world is just spinning in the wrong direction, he gets pissed off. Because he's a good guy. And good guys don't deserve mothers who leave them and their dads for other men and never call again. Never come to visit. Never see their first steps or hear their first words, and never kiss them good night or walk them to school… or just fucking be there.

_Mommy's here, sweetheart. It will be alright._

Yeah. Nobody ever told him that. Ever.

He doesn't need her. Never wants to see her. Would never love her.

But it sort of hurts she doesn't need him either.

...

"_Do you have any photos?"_

_His dad gives him an exhausted look. _

"_No."_

_But Killian knows better than that. _

"_Don't lie to me. I wanna see her."_

_A slow, kind of heart-broken sigh. As in __**'Am I not enough for you?'.**_

"_Why?"_

"_Because. Show them to me."_

_His dad goes to his room and brings an old crumpled photo._

_It's the two of them, before his birth._

_His father has a twinkle in his eyes that Killian has never seen. And a sincere smile._

_And she's beautiful. More beautiful than he has ever imagined. And she looks so happy that it's difficult to understand what would ever make her leave._

_Well, it's not that hard to guess if you think about it. They were happy before. Then something (someone) happened and they weren't happy anymore. It's clear whose fault it is._

_[Later Killian finds a whole pile of __**her**__ photos in his father's room. He burns all of them. His father never mentions anything.]_

_..._

His phone rings and scares the hell out of him. Despite the trembling hands and the blurry vision he can distinguish the caller's name.

"Emma." His voice is cool and indifferent and he compliments himself on his acting skills.

"Killian?" She sounds worried.

"Yeah?"

"Were you by any chance at my door five minutes ago?"

Silence.

"Killian?"

"No. No, I'm home. I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh." The disappointment is clear in her voice and his stomach clenches but he really just _can't._ "So uh… See you at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah." He whispers and he almost can't hear himself. "See you." He adds, louder.

"My mom said you have gorgeous eyes."

He freezes in his place. Then he hangs up without another word.

* * *

Emma's almost asleep on the couch and her mother's watching some sitcom, her full attention on it. So it really fucking startles her when the doorbell suddenly resounds through the whole house.

She gives her mother a started, half-asleep look. The older woman looks equally baffled.

"Your father isn't supposed to come back from his business trip for another two days."

So both of them unwillingly stand up from their comfortable couch and go to open the door, Emma clutching a kitchen knife behind her back just in case.

A tall shaggy boy with amazingly blue eyes is nervously shifting on the threshold.

"Evenin'." He murmurs eventually.

Emma and her mother exchange glances and the older woman nods almost imperceptibly.

"Come in." She then says to the boy.

He looks repentantly at his empty hands.

"I ain't got nothin'-"

"Don't worry." The woman reassures him. "I put your flowers in a vase."

He makes an acknowledging face but doesn't lift his eyes from his hands. Emma's mother gets the hint and discreetly leaves.

Killian finally raises his head. Emma's watching him with unfathomable eyes.

He smiles unsurely.

"Hey, angel face."

She's seriously gonna beat his ass for this someday. But now she just grins goofily and motions to him to come in.

**Please, kind sir/madam, review for the girl who never thought she'd write Captain Swan but apparently did. I'm not promising myself anything from now on.**


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